Itsuka
by jaderaid
Summary: .AU. "He who fights with monsters might take care, lest he thereby become a monster." In the hopes of saving Sasuke, Sakura follows him to Orochimaru's hideout, but in the process, she may become that which she fears that he will become... .SasuSaku.
1. chapter one: flight

_.Itsuka._

(.Someday.)

(_.prelude: reunion._)

_"Sakura-chan..." His voice froze her, her head bowed. The chill wind cascaded through the surrounding trees, a dirty haze sweeping up from the bare ground and swirling around them. They stood, former teammates, former companions, back to back. Neither could look at the other. Soft pink hair whipped across her face and stung her skin, fast numbing under the dry assault of dirt and wind and cold. A filthy white backdrop of clouds gathered ominously overhead and obscured the blue sky hastening into dusk somewhere above them. "You... why...?" His voice cracked as if he couldn't comprehend the meaning of the words emerging from his mouth. "How could you...?"_

_Every word a kunai piercing her heart. Every word a tear falling silently down her face. Every word a shattered promise._

_She could flee. He wouldn't follow. Broken, he would stay where she left him. The cliff face gaping before her had enough protruding roots to slow her fall, if not break it completely. But she couldn't. Not after everything that had happened. Not after everything they had gone through and become, together and apart. "I had to, Naruto," her voice remarkably steady, as if there were no kunai, as if there were no tears, as if there were no promises. "I knew you couldn't save him. I knew I couldn't stop him. I had to do it. You understand, right? Don't you, Naruto?"_

_That last phrase burst from her lips with a sob, a crushing pressure mounting in her gut as she pressed a hand to her mouth, nausea mounting._

_It should be raining. Rain would be perfect. This dry weather, cracking skin and bone, was not the right setting for something like this._

_"Where is he?" Naruto turned at last and she flinched, feeling his deep blue eyes boring into her back. He was trying so hard to keep anger and betrayal from his voice but– even now, after all this time, she could still read him easily. "Where is Sasuke?"_

(_.part I: solitude._)

(_he who fights with monsters might take care, lest he thereby become a monster. _

_–Friedrich Nietzsche_)

(_.introduction._)

(_You wouldn't come back. I knew you wouldn't come back. I don't know how I knew it as I stood there, tears dripping down my face, hands clutched to my heart as if to bring me some small comfort. It was a subconscious feeling of security, but no matter how hard I tried to block it out of my mind, the feeling– no, the knowledge that no matter what, no matter how hard Naruto fought, no matter how hard any of them fought, Sasuke– you had made up your mind. And that was that._

_Even as Lee-san laid a hand on my shoulder, as he spoke words of comfort and I smiled hollowly in return, I knew that you would never come back to Konoha. Not until your brother was dead. Maybe not even then. And I felt fear, cold, snaking fear wriggling up my spine and into my brain. I couldn't stop you. I walked away in a daze, hands freezing blocks of ice limp and useless at my side. Why couldn't I stop you? Why did you thank me then leave me behind? Why won't you ever acknowledge me? Why, dammit? _

_Tears mounted in my eyes again, but they would not fall as I then knew, and this terrible knowledge chilled my heart and froze my lungs._

_Come closer, and I'll whisper a secret, Sasuke. I knew what you looked for in everyone, and I knew then what you didn't see in me._

_Strength..._

_Power..._

_Fearlessness..._

_And I knew then that–_

_...I am weak._

_...I am powerless._

_...I am afraid._

_And so I could do nothing for you, with you. Not as I was then. _((_But as I am now...?_))_ You had become the air in my lungs, the strength in my limbs, the blood in my veins. This crushing pressure kept mounting in my chest until I felt as if it might shatter into a thousand shimmering shards of ice._

_Unsurprisingly, I couldn't sleep that night. I lay in bed for what must have been hours, staring, staring, staring out the window at the merciless moon glaring down on me through the thin curtains shielding my window yet not me. The moon had just begun waning from the night before, a shining beacon illuminating my room and piercing my heart with its sharp rays. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't close my eyes. Would you like to know why, Sasuke? Imprinted forever on my eyelids when I venture to sleep is the image of your back, the red and white of your Uchiha crest emblazoned in my mind. I rolled over and set my feet on the hardwood floor. Moving with practiced silence, I left the house that night._

_Traveling aimlessly, my wandering feet took me to the very place where I had last seen you. A cloud's shadow stretched across the cobblestones as I stood there, its cool darkness a welcome relief from the judgemental moon. There is the tree from behind which I'd emerged. Here is where I had stood. There is where you had stood. There is where you appeared behind me. Here is where I fell before you. There is the bench where I slept. There is where you laid me down and left me behind._

_I couldn't move. My legs refused to obey my will. And then I snapped. I ran faster than I had ever run before; I ran home. I couldn't live without you. I wouldn't._

_I promised that when we met again, Sasuke, I would be stronger. I would have power. I would not be afraid._

_Do you accept me now?_

_Do you love me now?_

((_Do I...?_))

_Running faster than I ever had before, I fled. I packed everything I could possibly need. The gate-guards must have assumed I was back-up for those who had already left; they offered not a word of protest as I fled through the gate. Izumo-san even offered a shout of "Good luck!"_

_I wonder if he would have offered that if he'd known my intentions, but I still appreciated it. _

_I didn't look back until Konoha was already out of sight, and only then to make sure I wasn't being followed._

_–Haruno Sakura_)

(_.chapter one: flight._)

(_.three years earlier._)

"Uchiha Sasuke-_kun_ has disappeared."

"What?!" A violent slamming of palms against counter toppled a vase from its counter, spilling flowers and water across the floor. Purely on reflex, Yamanaka Ino snatched a towel and knelt to mop up the mess without looking, fixing her gaze firmly on the other young woman before her. "Sasuke-_kun_ _what?_"

Hinata flinched and bit her lip, tapping her fingers together nervously. The bright morning sun shone through the beautifully adorned windows of the Yamanaka Flower Shop, lending the assortments of blossoms an ethereal glow. "S-S-Sasuke-_kun_ left the village," she whispered. "I was passing by here and thought I should let you k-know."

A vein pulsed in Ino's forehead as she retrained herself from lunging at the timid girl. "What are you talking about?" she managed to grit out through clenched teeth. "What do you mean, left? Like kidnapped?"

Her lower lip trembled uncertainly. "N-Neji-_niisan_, Kiba-_kun_, Chouji-_kun_, Shikamaru-_kun_, and Naruto-_kun_ have gone after him, but I... I think he left on his own."

"Chouji and Shikamaru? Sasuke-_kun_? Where did he go, and why?" She viciously wrung the towel like a neck and glared at her.

"I don't know!" Hinata cried, visibly shrinking from the heat of Ino's stare. "I heard that Naruto-_kun_ and the others had been sent after Sasuke-_kun_. That's... that's all I know!"

"Tch," Ino hissed through her teeth and slapped the wet towel against the tiled floor. "Does Sakura know Sasuke-_kun_ is missing?"

"Um–"

Ino jumped up, tearing off her apron and dashing past Hinata. "Let's go."

"W-where are we going?" Wide-eyed, Hinata stared as Ino started closing up the shop.

"Sakura needs to know about this." Single-minded determination gleamed angrily from her pale eyes as she flipped the sign on the door to read CLOSED. "Come on, you're coming too."

She squeaked as Ino shoved her out the door and slammed it behind them, the bells tinkling cheerfully in stark contrast to Ino's mood. "B-but–!"

Angry strides crunched the gravel beneath her feet as Ino growled with frustration, stalking her way down the thoroughfare, not bothering to weave her way through the crowd; her glare was enough to clear a path. Sasuke-kun, gone? He seemed like the last person to leave the village. Why? Hinata must have heard wrong. That's it. Maybe he'd been kidnapped. Or maybe Sasuke-kun was sent as an advance scout, and the others are following him. Yeah. That's what's going on. It would be ridiculous that he leave the village without orders. Yeah...

"Sakura!" She pounded on the door of her former best friend's house repeatedly.

"M-maybe she's not home?" A panting Hinata had been forced to take two steps for every one of Ino's.

Not listening, Ino tried the door and found it unlocked. She could navigate this house in her sleep; she'd been here so many times when they were little, it had been almost like her second home. Bounding up the stairs two at a time, she barged into Sakura's room. "Saku–"

Hinata slammed into her back as the other girl stopped cold. "I–Ino?" Standing on tiptoes, the other young woman peered over Ino's shoulder to see what had halted her fury.

A single sheet of paper lay facedown on the floor, edges fluttering from the slight breeze but weighted down by the forehead protector of a Konoha shinobi. Sakura's forehead protector. Printed in Sakura's delicate handwriting was a single word- _Sumimasen_. I'm sorry.

Inexplicitly, Ino's hand shook as she reached down to pick it up, eyes flicking over the hiragana characters as she turned the paper over. On the back was a letter, neatly written as if for a formal essay back in the Academy, the precise strokes of the _kanji_ fluidly streaming in perfect columns down the page. Sakura had always been good at calligraphy. Her breath caught in her throat, but she swallowed and hollowly read it aloud, voice unable or unwilling to go above a whisper. "_Sumimasen, minna-san. Watashi_..."

_I'm sorry, everyone_. Pink hair whipped behind her as she ran, the red sun rising before her and painting her face with a blood-like shine. All her tears long since spent, Haruno Sakura recklessly dashed from tree branch to tree branch, her bag strapped to her back. _I'm going to be gone for a long time. Please forgive me for not telling you personally, but you would try to stop me. I've taken matters into my own hands. I'm going after Sasuke-kun._

She could still sense the violent explosions of Chakra from battle like a blurry imprint on the scene of a movie; a single threading line of Chakra that could only be described as evil wound its way among the trees, never pausing for too long in one spot, strong enough that it could still be sensed now, a full day later. _I'm leaving of my own free will; I haven't been captured or coerced, nor is this being written under duress. Please take this letter to the handwriting analysts if you have doubts._ No time to stop, no time to check for survivors or even determine the victor.

_I haven't the time to write to everyone I'm leaving behind. Mother, Father... I'm sorry. It is through no fault of yours that I'm leaving. I owe everything I am to the two of you. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better daughter._

_Sorry, Ino. Looks like I'll be spending the most time with Sasuke-kun from now on._

She refused to slow her frantic pace, relying purely on luck and reflex to keep her safe from any traps. Doubting the pursued would have had time to set anything subtle, she maintained her leaping, reckless speed in spite of better judgment.

_Kakashi-sensei... thank you. It's because of you and your training that I was able to gather the courage to make my decision. Please don't blame yourself; I'm sure you tried your best to keep him from going. I hope your next Genin squad won't be so troublesome._

_Naruto... I know I asked you to bring him back, and I know you'll try so hard... I shouldn't have placed that burden on you. I've always looked down on you, you know? But... I was wrong. You're going to be a great ninja someday. If we meet again, I promise I'll be stronger._

Her green eyes glared through the trees, barely registering the leaves whizzing behind her as she grew closer and closer to the border of the Land of Fire, looking ahead into the distance, far, far ahead until she imagined she could see that red-and-white Uchiha crest emblazoned on a blue-clad back.

_I may be thinking too much of myself by assuming the thought will cross your mind, but please, do not follow me. Let me go. I love all of you, but I can't abandon Sasuke-kun. His path has become mine; I have none of my own. I can't ask you to agree, but please understand why I must go._

_I've spent too much time here already. Everyone, thank you for everything. I'll miss Konohagakure, but I've made my decision. I'm sorry._

_Sayonara._

**A/N: After much deliberating, chapter one is finally complete. This idea of Sakura following Sasuke has been kicking around in the back of my head for several months now, so it's about time I set pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, to be more literal) and got to work.**

**SPOILER WARNINGS****: Well, the premise of the story is one big spoiler for anyone who's just started the series. Oops. I can't say for sure whether or not there will be further spoilers for the manga (for the most part, I'm going to be trying to remain within the parameters of Japan's release of the anime; however, if you haven't yet read the manga and don't wish to be spoiled, I suggest stopping now, since I don't know if/when I will start spoiling that.**

**I'd like to thank the amazing i AM the Random Idiot for beta-ing and for finally convincing me to read ahead of the Japanese release of the anime and read the manga. This definitely wouldn't have been even remotely possible without her.**

**Reviews would be extremely appreciated; anything from constructive criticism to flames are welcomed. As with ****Raikiri no Yume****, I'll have extra things with every chapter posted on my livejournal, the link to which is at the bottom of my profile if anyone is interested. Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you again in chapter two!**


	2. chapter two: day of reckoning

(_Utter silence reigned through the forest on that day, as if a vacuum were covering the battlefield and nature itself were afraid to be a part of a new dawn. As I ran through the night and into the morning, I could only force the thought from my mind that, if any wounded had been left behind, they had been abandoned in the chill hours of dark. They came for you, Sasuke, and were abandoned for you. I paused to tighten the straps on my backpack and again leapt into the air, travelling at the same frantic pace._

_You had left in the dark hours of the previous day's morning; Shikamaru and his team only a few hours later. I, on the other hand, hadn't left until almost a full day later, leaving in the morning of that day's dark hours. There was too much time to make up, too much ground to cover to run at a safer pace. The branches trembled at my passage, shaking and threatening to crack under my weight. I could only hope my speed was great enough to keep me from falling or snapping an ankle._

_Already, I could sense the explosions of Chakra in the distance ahead of me, miles, miles, miles in the distance. I had no hope to possibly catch up, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't give up. I'd come too far to go back, but not far enough to make a difference. At this rate, I realized that you would make it to Orochimaru before I caught up. I wonder now what I would have done had I caught up. What would you have done, Sasuke? In retrospect, I had no plan. I simply assumed you would beat me there, even as I tried to make it there myself._

_I hope the others are okay, even now. I could have stopped to see if they were all right... but it's too late for regrets now. Touching the top of my head where I usually tie my forehead protector, I reminded myself that I am no longer a shinobi of Konohagakure. And I ran on. I knew I would have made a difference to the wounded... but I'd have lost the chance that I might reach you._

_And I ran on._

_–Haruno Sakura_)

(_chapter two: day of reckoning_)

Something was wrong. Everything had ceased to be. Sakura paused on a branch, muscles protesting angrily at the sudden stop, and then with a rising chill, she sprang into the air again, a single raindrop shattering on the branch below her as the skies opened up and began to cry.

The battles were over. It felt like the awkward feeling of missing a step on the way down a staircase. There was no other explanation for the sudden stillness following the wake of the violent Chakra that had spilt everywhere, painting the landscape with a broad brush of energy, evil, evil energy. "Sasuke-_kun_!"

She couldn't be too far now, though she'd been forced to skirt a huge swath of battle-residue; a massive clearing had erupted from someone's frenzied battle, explosions of sand and white material piercing the sky. Water dripped from her pink hair and streamed down her face, raindrops peppering her skin like a stinging storm of ice shards.

There was something up ahead; she could hear the sound of pounding water, even as the skies cleared. Her heart hammering in her chest, her breath burning her throat with every gasp, Sakura forced herself to go even faster, so fast that she'd maybe she'd overtake–

A flash of movement, a burst of white and green and orange...

Slowly, slowly, her head turned, green eyes wide and sopping hair flying before her face. Time froze, solid ice dripping down her spine as she nearly missed her footing on the branch ahead, gaze captured by the man staring back at her. One eye visible in a masked face, carrying an unconscious Naruto on his back, Kakashi stared back over his shoulder.

More than mere words could express passed between them at that moment, a yawning pit gaping in her stomach and clawing her heart with icy talons. Every memory that the two of them had shared as Team Seven, every dream expressed and every terror conquered was almost clearly visible in the air between them. Fear like liquid nitrogen flowed in her veins, and as she exerted her Chakra to hold her balance, a single tiny drop of sweat dripped down her face and landed on the wood below her.

"Sakura–!"

And then she was gone, dissipating into a blur of motion and blending in with the trees ahead, heart beating in her ears louder than the pounding waterfall surging inexorably into the river.

"_Sakura!_" His voice echoed from the stones and trees, but she ran on, fleeing the sound of her name, leaping across the swirling water by the statues of two men locked in an eternal struggle. One foot touched lightly on the stone, and slowly, as her other foot descended, she realized with shocking finality that she could never go back. Having set foot in another country in direct violation of orders, she could never go back. More than abandoning her forehead protector, more than fleeing from Kakashi-_sensei_, this simple action forced her mind to accept that she could never go back and call herself a _shinobi_ of Konoha. As surely as if she'd taken a knife and scratched out the symbol centered in the metal of her forehead protector, she could never go back.

Her other foot landed softly, and she ran forward, fleeing deeper into the tree's darkness. The last echoing rumbles of thunder resounded from the mountains around her, a death knell to unrighteous tears as she fled onward. There was nothing to follow; that massive Chakra explosion had wiped away all traces of other energy, but she simply ran. There was only one path they both could take, and she followed it without hesitation, squinting through the shadows and fleeing to the darkness.

(_And so it was I came upon a simple compound, deceiving in its unobtrusiveness but radiating such an evil energy that, against my will, I slowed to a stop and stared up at it. What was I to do, Sasuke? The very structure itself, squatting in the ground, marked only by two red snake-like designs above a single door, warded me away with such a sense of 'you do not belong here' that it physically restrained my movements, cold claws scratching at my heart. Do you remember that place? The leaves covering the ground were dead and rotting, the trees around were withered and twisted, half-dead creatures fighting to survive. My knees gave out, and I collapsed to the ground, forgotten tears gathering in my eyes and mixing with the rainwater soaking my body._

_This was what I left everything behind for? This horrid shrieking nightmare that seemed to sweep from the open door before me and engulf me in a swirling wave of despair and anguish was what I was to live with? I don't know how long I knelt there, unable to move as pure fear paralyzed my muscles as surely as if I had been struck._

_That's when he came to me, Sasuke. That's when I found a path of my own to parallel yours._

_–Haruno Sakura_)

"Haruno Sakura-_san_, was it?"

Unable to move, she started to shake at the sound of the voice emerging from nowhere and everywhere all at once. "Orochimaru..._sama_." Sakura closed her eyes, bile rising in her throat at the addition of the honorific suffix "master" to the name of the man she hated more than any other.

A burst of movement so quick that even as she sensed it and her eyes flew open, he was already there, a single kunai at her throat. Cold steel scraped her pale skin, and green eyes met black, framed by sheathes of glass. "Kabuto-san?" Her muscles, already tightened to the point of snapping, somehow tensed even further, and a single drop of sweat mixed with water dripped down her face to land on the curiously hooked blade. Its point digging into the side of her neck, she knew with chilling certainty that it would take no effort on his part to simply tighten his grip and twitch his wrist, gouging the flesh from her throat and ending her life in a bloody rain. His eyes were different than she'd remembered them being during the Chuunin exams, darker and somehow restrained. All it took was for her gaze to flick up, and the music note engraved on his forehead protector was all she needed to see. This young man, only a few years older than her yet possessed of such incredible strength that she could sense it, now made a little more sense. "You were working for him all along, weren't you?" Her voice shook, but her eyes remained steady. Like prey before a predator, she had to show no fear to survive.

A tiny smile and twitch of the muscles around his eyes was the only response he offered, but it was enough. "If you've come to take Sasuke-_kun_ back, I'm afraid you're too late," his voice dripped like venom into her ears. "He's already chosen his path, so what right have you to take–"

"I'm not here for that," she cut him off, body shaking and paralyzed, unfathomable terror shuddering through her veins like a drug, her own rapid heartbeat propelling it through her entire body. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, trying to minimize her shaking as much as possible. "Orochimaru-sama... I want you... to please..." Breathing deep, the scent of decaying vegetation filling her nose, she managed to finish strongly, opening her eyes and addressing the whole clearing, "...take me as your student."

Kabuto's eyes before her widened the slightest bit, and his grip on the kunai tightened. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a card. "Haruno Sakura," his eyes flicked between her face and the card's. "Age: 12. Height: 148.5 centimeters. Weight: 35.4 kilograms. Blood Type: O. Strengths: Chakra control and intelligence." With a deft flick, the card disappeared back into his pocket, a tiny smirk crossing his face. "No talent in _taijutsu_, limited potential in _ninjutsu_ and _genjutsu_... what makes you think you have anything to offer us, impetuous fool?"

Faster than she could register, the kunai slipped from her throat as he backhanded her across the face. The entire left side of her face exploded with agony, the metal plate on the back of his fingerless glove tearing a jagged slash across her cheek, but she refused to cry out in pain. Unable to move from paralysis, she collapsed to the side, but didn't scream. Sluggishly, red blood oozed from the cut and dripped to splatter on the dead leaves and mix with the dirt. Kabuto's eyes twitched oddly, and he raised his fist for another strike, a strange combination of hate and ecstasy buried deep in his eyes. "Who do you think you are, thinking that you can just be taught for free, huh?!"

"Kabuto..." Orochimaru's voice echoed through the clearing, halting the young man's movement in mid-strike. Face bandage-wrapped, only one eye visible, he emerged from the darkness shrouding the single entryway. Like the gaze of a basilisk, her eyes remained locked on his and her shaking stopped as if the paralysis had halted that too. Physically unable to shrink away, unable to blink or move her mouth or even breathe, she choked under that invisible pressure, his Chakra pressing down on her, crushing her lungs and eyes and–

He knelt before her, that single snakelike eye glinting with an unidentifiable emotion as she silently, motionlessly warred for her very life, that terror-stricken blood pounding in her ears, tears in mid-fall freezing as her eyes collapsed into blackness, silently screaming, screaming, screaming–

_Blood splattered across her face as her kunai stabbed into the chest of a child, his eyes once bright and full of promise, but now only empty. From outside her own body, she watched herself coolly fling that same kunai into the throat of his screaming mother and fall to her hands, kicking back with both feet under the chin of the boy's father. She forward-rolled with the momentum and tumbled through the door, shuriken loosely held in her hands as she let fly with only the barest effort, nameless, faceless victims falling before her. The sky blood-painted and the sun blood-stained, the ground blood-soaked and her face blood-smeared, she laughed._

And he blinked, and it was over. Her chest heaved with a deep, shuddering breath as the pressure snapped. Sakura huddled deep inside herself, futilely chasing his back and crying for him. "Sasu...ke..._kun_..." was all she managed to whisper, green eyes burning from tears and face throbbing from pain.

"That is the kind of power I can give to you, if you want it." Though invisible behind the bandage, Orochimaru's lips twitched in a smile as Kabuto stood impassively to the side, her blood dripping silently from his glove. "That is the power I have promised Sasuke-_kun_."

Coughing, she vomited and winced, then shakily rose to her hands and knees. She forced her green eyes to meet his, resolve strengthening instead of weakening as she stared up at him, then bowed her head to touch her forehead to the ground. She wiped her mouth with one hand, smudging the blood on her cheek across the back of her hand. "Please... Orochimaru-_sama_.

"Teach me."

**A/N: I'd like to thank my three reviewers, to whom I've already replied personally... Thanks very much to:**_ shortiegotpwndXD, Sakurachan1345, _and _TeMaRi - SwEeTeSt SiN_... **thanks a lot, guys!**


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